The words have been stumbling around through my head for a few days.
And yet I'm still at a loss for how to put this.
Catalyst.I dont understand how you always made me out for the bad guy. I'm wrong. It's my fault. And it's always the blame. I know blaming someone else is the usually the easiest thing to do, but sometimes you have to realize that you can't grow as a person until you can take the fall for your own actions. Or in your case, lack of actions.
And it's probably just the way you are. It's like trying to approach a tank armed to the teeth. You've got the armor and shell, you're in it, you've got words, and you've got a selfish disposition that places you at the guns.
Do you know that you do it? Do you realize in your head that you're always on the path to get the upper hand in every situation? To always come out on top. It's like playing tetris: You'll never actually win, you'll try hard, get far, and then have to lose eventually. But it's either on purpose; A selfish mission to possibly better yourself and your own independence by polishing your A game, or completely subconscious. Just know that it happened. Happens. Repeatedly.
And you dont understand it. Dont know that its happening.
You insist to pull me down.Because there are two types of people, the ones that would get it, and the people like you, who dont get it.
Because its fucking beautiful, that interaction.
And i love it.
Because it makes the exchange mean something to some people.
If anyone else looks at the whole picture it, they will understand everything on my side, and how you just dont get it.
Kind of like a movie that people watch and some people get it, and some people dont. Its like that, and the people who get it, will feel so much accomplishment from understanding the entire point which you missed, and there will always be the people who completely miss everything, and bitch about it like they're right.
You contradict the fact that you still want me around.You're always slightly clever to just a certain extent, and its wonderful.
But theres a spot where I just say FUCK. I want you to understand. I want you to break away from this silly determined place that everyone else is an idiot and actually see theres so much more out there.
We can always hope.
And it's all downhill from here.
Its like you become scared of something so you self consciously manipulate any situation to sabotage it, as long as the other person is at fault though. I have a list, if you will, of a few things I never did say. You should have tried harder, you should have had more faith. Sure, you have it, but, as stated before, a relationship is a 2 way street. I could always see, that you just didnt want to invest anything. Efforts seemed half-assed, beating yourself up over the smallest of things. Simply put, you overreact. You blow things out of proportion and then reserve a spot in your own shell to avoid the blast.
And it was too much. It's not worth being down most of the time because I had to manage your downsides so often. Trying so hard for a smile. Only to barely receive any reciprocation.
Work on that: Reciprocation.
Turning people against me soon after? That was a tact act. Mature. Quite.
I know they all liked me. And then suddenly all turned away. Cold shouldering. You DO have a way with words. Manipulation is key.
Thats the danger in starting a fire,
You'll never know how many bridges you'll burn.
But I did the right thing. There is no pride. There is only heart. None broken, either. It was tearing me down. Even if you were passionate, your inability to show it would have forever been crippling.

Yeah, we used to be in love, but now we're just in like,
And we broke all our promises, and baby that ain't right
Because you don't know what it's like to lose it all…
(Take it back, take it back, because you don't know!
Take it back, take it back, because you don’t know
what it's like to be on the receiving end of it all!)
No! No! You were not on the receiving end of it all!
You beg and plead, but no one here can save you -
Why would they try when they can't quite save themselves?
I will never falter, I'll stand my ground.
Youre a. . .