Ideas for tagging

Gas Mask High contrast stencil
underneath: "Whats that $mell?"

Reservior dogs shootout scene,
Bottom gunner holding bouqet instead of gun.

Gas Mask High Contrast Stencil
"Zombie infestation is imminent."

Man in suit + Gas mask leaning up against the wall. + Cigarette.

Streetlight Manifesto Dark Figure.

https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlal0botDE6pLQ1qJxKIAUJt3MBwvsr6-z6wGC_0vHOFbffC1lrAzsdc3hPdBTudJcE_iTTXbisdBoCzcIUwOGi6c1GEH3cUBLRKBgmQhgyI_hkZZS5SoIgYzT8a5IGa5W93um8sn-LGQ/s1600-h/gas2gif.gif

http://www.virginmedia.com/images/gruesome_reservoir_dogs_431x300.jpg

http://www.wallpaper-desktop.net/wallpapers/movie/reservoir_dogs/reservoir_dogs_1.jpg

Empty Promises

. . . are the cancer that will tear this society to shreds.

Everybody has a certain level of business that their lives maintain. Everybody has their commitments, but when you strike a common interest that I have shared for YEARS, it becomes heavily unnerving. And it happens again. And again. And again.

I wish I could express in words the frustration I feel towards you, and you, and you.

I feel that most of those words would consist of 4 letters, though.
-Pardon my French.
In other words, I have no other words.

Also, you are the epitome of hypocrite. In fact, I found your picture in the dictionary. All I had to do was look up synonyms for "Take Advantage Of". I cant walk into her house without seeming to walk on a thin sheet of ice. Eggshells included. I see through you now. I'll beat this starting now.

In other news, I'm otherwise very happy.
New work location is amazing.
Cassie is amazing.
Overnights are slow.
I'm done.



Fin.

Untitled

12 days.
Thats a while.

And only a little longer until I make an actual update.

I just couldnt do it.

I just didnt have the heart, this time.
And thats all I have to say about it.

I'm sad.
I'm saddened.
I'm HeartLESS.

I really dont have much to say this late at night.
I need to either think more, or stop thinking.
I need a hug.
I need to sit and relax.
I need to be rescued from my room.


I need to run.

Hard to think.

With a brain fried from a long days events and serious roller coaster rides on the mind.

Not the theme park kind, either.

I'm strapped in, I'm upside down, Its inverted, and the strap just broke.

Do I sit and hold on tight, or do I let go, and hope that the only thing that IS holding me in doesnt unlatch and send me tumbling like a ragdoll head over heels to become a heap on the pavement. head caved in. Thats ironic.

I love roller coasters.

It was all in all, a busy day. I filled up the tank once, almost had to again, with all the running around I did.
Started off great.
Middle was good.
End was a train wreck.
I dont want to watch, but I cant help but stare.
Stare hard.
Squinting, in fact, at the crumpled mess that I seemed to have caused.
Thank goodness nobody was on it.
Wait. I was.

Two different me.
Standing, watching from the outside.
206 pieces of axial and appendicular powder inside.

So boiled down, its an answer of regret.
How do you really feel?

It wont happen again. It wont happen again. It wont happen again.
It wont.
It happened.

Shit.
Once, thats all right. I can beg for forgiveness.
Hope to receive it.

I have been trying to prove my worth now for almost a month. I'll keep that up.
I'm different. I'm strong.
I'm broken.

Open your eyes.

Amazing News

Vans Wared Tour, 2008.
7/11 Tampa, FL

So. Lets look at this:

A Day to Remember		jun 20 - jul 20
Against Me!		whole tour

Angels and Airwaves	whole tour
As I Lay Dying	jun 20 - jul 18

The Briggs

whole tour

Everytime I Die	whole tour
The Fabulous Rudies	whole tour
Family Force 5	whole tour except 6/19, 6/20, 6/26, 7/2, 7/12, 8/8

From First to Last

whole tour

Maylene and the Sons of Disaster jun 20 - jul 18
MC Chris whole tour
Pennywise whole tour
Reel Big Fish whole tour
Set Your Goals whole tour
The Vandals whole tour





MY GOD.

Pinch me. Wheres my brown paper bag?

Something Profound.

Wake up.
Breathe.
Cough.
Clear your throat.
Sit up.
Think.

Youre only human.

Cigarettes are on the table.
Lighter.
Catharsis.
Irony.
Shoes: On.
Stand up.
Walk out.
Get in.
Drive.

With 20,000 lines left to go.

Park.
Sit.
Wait.
Survey.
Run.
Climb.
Run.
Hide.
Protest.

Post No Bills.


Lights.
Sirens.
Invisible.
Run.
Climb.
Drive.
Breathe.

Out causing trouble again?

Embrace.
Affection.
Intercourse.
Release.
Affection.
Embrace.

Rinse. Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

10 days ago

was the last time I decided to write in this thing.
Why does so much happen in so little time.
I could go on about this, but when I've got to funnel so much into what little time I have, its hard.
If there were a way that I didnt have to ever sleep and still be healthy, I'd do it.
I'd say "sign me up", and become a sleepless machine.

The average human sleeps 1/3 of their life away.

If only I could be above average in that department.
Break convention and completely sort things out.
Like a room, my minds a mess at times.
Theres things lying about that need to be picked up, put away.
Friends I always promise to see, and never get the chance to.
People I always feel the urge to catch up with.
Work to do.
Things to watch, play, read.
Art to make, photos to take, pictures to draw.
Music, music, music.

You see?

I need to change something in my schedule.
I know I'm not going to school this summer.
I know I'm going to spread work around.

About work: surprise! I'm transferring.
I really dont enjoy Waters and Anderson any more.
Dont get me wrong, it's not the people. I love the employees, the regulars, but the ideas and the way its run is just shit.
I dont know. I couldnt tell you why if you asked.

So I'm just sitting here in bed mulling through what needs to come out.
There are times when I do have a way with words, and times when I just fumble.

Turn over.

All in all, I am happy. I have a great girlfriend. Friends that love me. Things to do.
People to see. Always.

Always.

This gave me a good chuckle. I love the shit that Stumble Upon brings me sometimes.

Afterword:
I've felt really inspired to do art lately. All art. Spray art. Wheat pasting. Drawing.
I want a couple new tattoos. I think I'm just going to go for it.
Reader, if youre actually reading this, and enjoying what I have to say, I appreciate you.
I know that sometimes it might be mindless rambling.
Or a slightly bitchy rant.
But know, that youre special.

Also, appreciate Banksy:

Youve dropped every line but they dont mean a thing.

Rough Draft

Please tell me, dear darling
How great do you feel,
With words you recycled
heart on the table to steal.
With my hammer and pry
I'll crack into your shell
another day of this heat
and were walking through...
eggshells.

So put your eyes in my hands
I'll set my feet in your shoes
A problem like this
Cant be fixed with any tools.

But please,
Dont do this to me.
We're only so free.
Dont waste it in though
This time act on your feet.
They say,
What love without faith,
and whats faith without heart?
But when both are void
then its a still-born start.
Dont hide,
From the demons that
haunted your past.
Its a flat footed relay
and youre next on the pass.
Youre heading off track,
and youve got the whole
team in tow.
Youre just fleeing the scene
theyre behind, trading blows.

So put your eyes in my hands,
I'll slip my feet in your shoes.
when you choke down your options
You'll have nothing to lose.

So drop,
dead as a stone
are the words of your home
fly,
away from yourself
[to be continued]

I kept promising myself

To write.
Write.
Write something profound.

JJ and I are starting an experimental musical project.

Think Brand New + Spill Canvas + Acoustic writings.

And I promised myself my next post would be the rough draft for a song.
So my next post, not this one, will be.
In fact, It will probably happen tonight, before Josh and Beth come to get me.

More photos tonight, as well.
THAT, I am excited for.

Everything else is amazing.
Friends. School. And even my newfound relationship.
This weekend will be excellent, despite all of my closing shifts.
In any case.
I'm off to see the wizard.

The end has come. The end is nigh.
Extremely fucking nigh.

Repent.

I dont wanna see the day,

my words cannot make it safe.
Her heart, in my hands.
It's too bad.
No regrets.

I wont disappear.
Don't you worry.
I think youve just finally given up.
Or you still havent made up your mind, quite yet.
Heart and mind have a connection here, for once.
One can lead the other, just depends on which agrees with the other.

It's a big game of follow the leader.
Remember, life is a tragedy for those who feel, and a comedy for those who think.

It's just a giant see-saw sitting in front of you, isnt it?
A giant balance scale.

When all you wanted was for me to be happy.
And I am. I really, totally, finally, wholly am.
And now youre not?

And life is great again.
And I wake up every single day with a smile.
And go to sleep with a smile.
Just stop beating yourself up over it.
I did, a while ago.

Thats right, readers. I said it.
And I've just been so great lately.
Catching back up with 2 of my best friends that I really havent gotten to spend much time with in a while.
Eric, I'm glad we have the connection we have now. I know you probably dont read this, but I'm so thankful that your girlfriend introduced Kay and I.
Eh, I told her that too.
Josh, I'm glad youre calling me more.
Sorry work and school keeps me so damn busy.
I think I'm going to cut back on hours just to relieve some stress for me.
That'd be really nice.

Anyway, I went off on a tangent there.

But now you know how I feel.


Nothing is impossible.

I can be harsh at times.

Brash.
Crude.
But thats only when I'm pushed past my limit.
You attack, and attack, and attack, and you don't expect me to attack back?
Its like cornering an animal and not expecting it to try and escape.

I'm not mad, don't get me wrong.
I'm well past the days of getting mad.
Thats the old me.
I'm not mad, I'm tactful. I'm not mad, I'm simply giving my input. Using my weapons of choice.
You have secrets of your past that you think I'd be afraid to hear?
Honestly, I'm not afraid.
I'm glad that she's at least heard some of my past.
I could sit there and just tell it in installments.
I'm an open book.
Youre a closed door.

When did you start selling doors?
When people started closing windows.


There is always hope.

You can't understand exactly how I feel, because youre not at the recieving end.
You're holding the rod.
I cut the fishing line a long time ago.
I'm way gone, bait in hand now.
And you're just gazing at the water.
At your reflection. Wondering how you got like this.
You're strong, you're just not the right kind of strong.
And in the wrong moment, that could just be your downfall.

Never trust anyone to the point where your back is exposed.

Oh yeah. Also, DONT SAY "I QUIT."

Glad.

That you finally gave in. Caved.

I watched the weight of your world cave in to crush you.
And do you want to know what I think?
That caving, as much as I hate to say it, is weight off of my shoulders. I was waiting for you to just come out and say it. I was willing to show patience. Whats the reciprocation? Lies. Stringing along.

You might as well have dragged me behind a truck.

let's take this outside so i can make another scene. i'll burn it on you, burn every bit of energy. dare to resist it. dare to be irresistible. i'd like to keep you right here always and forever. uncomplicated. we both know i can be unpredictable. i'll keep this from ever getting old. erase vertigo. i'm not far from home.

You want fights? Arguments? Somebody to treat you like a jerk?
Thats not right. Thats just programmed into your head that it is. Look elsewhere.

Bad timing at the least is right.
Youre friends with Chris because he knows when its okay to put you down. Guess I should just get to know you better.

/rant.

Anywho. No spite from you, please. Lower your defenses again. Because I for one, believe in second chances.

just get me back to where i can watch you sleep,
where i can feel comfortable in my own skin.
heaven knows no one else can do that for me.

I need a hug.

So my mind is racing

And I dont know where to start again:
-I really want to work on honing my red deck.
-I think I can win more with it if I try harder
-I have a lot of clothes, I should get rid of my old ones.
-People would go thrifting and find them, and get soooo excited.
-I have some pretty awesome old t-shirts.
-I think thats me though. I dont collect much, but t-shirts and cool clothes, I love to find.
-I need a hoodie. A good new trusty hoodie. As soona s my deposit goes through I'm definitely getting the RBF one.
-I keep telling myself to pick up playing bass again. When will I actually get the chance?
-I am already burnt out on this semester. I feel so far behind. :[
-I've had a lot of stress lately. I dont know what to do. Oh wait, yes. I do*

Tonight was great.
Today was just good, in general.
I took another day off to sleep in, and really get things taken care of with my car.
Next: Get it running from Rich to good.
After: Get James and Bryan to help me hook the car up.

It was a relaxing day. Largo was great. James was pretty funny, as were the other dudes.
I was happy to see you.
I have a lot of questions for you, though.
Maybe I'll come back tomorrow.

*Youre nuts. I cant take it. I think that you should just sit and sort your shit out for once. I dont even think I can help. I'm done.

You took the easy way out when I gave you something to stand for.

I was just another promise, that you couldnt keep.

And I'm so tired

And I'm so burnt out.
And I'm so confused.

I felt like putting a bullet between the eyes of every panda that wouldn't screw to save it's species.

And I dont know where to start. Maybe in the middle:
-I wish I knew what to tell you, because there is way too much running through my head. But that will never ever be able to surpass the amount of things youre thinking. I think I'll never get you. And before it was a challenge I wanted to take on, now I think it's something I've just. . . accepted. And yet, maybe not. Because part of me still really does miss you. I cant just accept the fact that I'll never be able to understand you, because I dont think you get you sometimes. I mean, unless I'm patient once more and can just wait it out. Who knows, maybe youve made changes. Maybe youre ready to invest for faith, truth, belief, trust, communication, visible affection, and reciprocation into a relationship. If thats the case, it'd be great to know. If thats just not you, and if thats not what you feel to be important in a relationship, then I dont know. Maybe its a talk we still need to just sit down and have. It'd be a long one. If you could find the words.

I wanted to open the dump valves on oil tankers and smother those French beaches I'd never see.

Beginning: God mother fucking Christ ass hole dammit. You need to make up your mind. Sort your fucking life out. If you continue with the stress you let get to you, then the end is nigh. And it's not like I can just be dragged along. Because thats even worse. I'm not a toy, and I'm not just going to be here for you when you need affection. You tell me you want to give me the attention I deserve and then in turn, treat me like youre ready to give it to me. For a day.
Whatever.

I wanted to breathe smoke.

End:
Thats it. /rant.

You are not a beautiful and unique snowflake.

You are the all singing, all dancing crap of the world.

And it feels like

I'm at an all time low. Slightly bruised and broken, from our head on collision.

Ouch. You know, theres never really such thing as rushing too fast into anything, you just need to look before you leap. But plunging feet first into the deep end could be just as dangerous as head first into the shallows.
Make up your mind before you speak, for that matter. I know what you want, and I know what you need, but just come out with it. Because, you also know, but you just need to sort everything out.
I cant stand idle forever, though. I know that its what you'd like, but not even having a glimpse of the end of your troubles is what worries me. I know you'd like to pursue things, because otherwise you wouldnt have asked me to keep holding on, but I'm not a yo-yo. Expecting me to bounce back when you need it isnt what I'm good for.
I hope you read this, and I hope this makes sense to you.

And as for you, thanks for visiting.
And the retarded candy. [that I felt so guilty enjoying. It's like watching the porn that you dont want anyone to know you watch. Lawl]
I'm sure you had a lot you wanted to say, but at the same time, I dont know you did.
I mean, you did drive all the way to my job, wait an hour, and then talked like we never had issues. If you want to talk, please tell me you want to talk.
I was half expecting it, actually.
But thats you, quiet in the heat of the moment.
I didnt know what to say, because I didnt know what you wanted to hear.
It was great seeing you.

I'm sorry readers, that I have been stressed lately.
Even I have shit that I need to sort out.

Sort this out on your own time.

You dont have to

play nice.
You dont have to try and make amends.
Theres no need to fake it.
Or fake anything.
Speak the truth. Your mind. Your heart.
Itd be nice.

Is that what you call tact?
You're as subtle as a brick in the small of my back.

And I hope someday you'll find all the answers to the questions
on your mind.
In time you will cross the line
and you'll realize that everything you thought was right.


I feel so lucky. So blessed and granted something I
have been looking for and yet never found.

No worries, no issues, and admiration that
makes me feel like a million dollars.
No convincing needed. No good days and bad days.
No disbelief.
And thats all I could ask for. And it fell into my lap.

And supposedly theres so many
rumors and drama at the store.
I'm not disappearing.
I'm not leaving.
I'm not quitting.
I love my job.
I love the people I work with.
At the most, I almost want to transfer.

Put your back to the wind

and let the dead leaves just float past you.
Thats all that it requires.
Look to the sky. See that its a beautiful day outside.
the sun is shining.
Let the leaves play a marionette like dancing game around your ankles as you kick up sticks and stones down the street.
And thats all it takes.
Thats all it takes to just let it go.
To move on. To clear your conscious, your second thoughts.

You see, you don't seem to know what you want, and I'm sorry. But you should have decided all of this weeks ago. Passive aggression and stubbornness could just be your bane. You're still at a grasp to finding things about you. And you can admit it. Now just fix it. If you're leaving the wrong impression on somebody, then maybe you should check yourself. If you cant figure yourself out to the point where nobody else can either, then thats a problem.

-

My life, is fantastic.
In fact, I couldn't be happier, readers.
Simply put, I feel like the luckiest guy in the world.

Also, I picked up a shift as a Barista at Kennedy and Westshore, and realized how uptight my store really is. We are apparently the only store in the district that doesnt have any parties or get-togethers whatsoever. And it's not just because of this, but I'm starting to consider a transfer. Theres way too much going on at my store. In a bad way.

In any case, I'm just smiling at the sun on my face, the hand in mine, and the wind in my hair.

Tell all my friends I'm dead.

Just hold your breath.

The words have been stumbling around through my head for a few days.
And yet I'm still at a loss for how to put this.

Catalyst.

I dont understand how you always made me out for the bad guy. I'm wrong. It's my fault. And it's always the blame. I know blaming someone else is the usually the easiest thing to do, but sometimes you have to realize that you can't grow as a person until you can take the fall for your own actions. Or in your case, lack of actions.
And it's probably just the way you are. It's like trying to approach a tank armed to the teeth. You've got the armor and shell, you're in it, you've got words, and you've got a selfish disposition that places you at the guns.
Do you know that you do it? Do you realize in your head that you're always on the path to get the upper hand in every situation? To always come out on top. It's like playing tetris: You'll never actually win, you'll try hard, get far, and then have to lose eventually. But it's either on purpose; A selfish mission to possibly better yourself and your own independence by polishing your A game, or completely subconscious. Just know that it happened. Happens. Repeatedly.

And you dont understand it. Dont know that its happening.

You insist to pull me down.

Because there are two types of people, the ones that would get it, and the people like you, who dont get it.
Because its fucking beautiful, that interaction.
And i love it.
Because it makes the exchange mean something to some people.

If anyone else looks at the whole picture it, they will understand everything on my side, and how you just dont get it.
Kind of like a movie that people watch and some people get it, and some people dont. Its like that, and the people who get it, will feel so much accomplishment from understanding the entire point which you missed, and there will always be the people who completely miss everything, and bitch about it like they're right.

You contradict the fact that you still want me around.

You're always slightly clever to just a certain extent, and its wonderful.

But theres a spot where I just say FUCK. I want you to understand. I want you to break away from this silly determined place that everyone else is an idiot and actually see theres so much more out there.
We can always hope.

And it's all downhill from here.

Its like you become scared of something so you self consciously manipulate any situation to sabotage it, as long as the other person is at fault though. I have a list, if you will, of a few things I never did say. You should have tried harder, you should have had more faith. Sure, you have it, but, as stated before, a relationship is a 2 way street. I could always see, that you just didnt want to invest anything. Efforts seemed half-assed, beating yourself up over the smallest of things. Simply put, you overreact. You blow things out of proportion and then reserve a spot in your own shell to avoid the blast.
And it was too much. It's not worth being down most of the time because I had to manage your downsides so often. Trying so hard for a smile. Only to barely receive any reciprocation.
Work on that: Reciprocation.

Turning people against me soon after? That was a tact act. Mature. Quite.
I know they all liked me. And then suddenly all turned away. Cold shouldering. You DO have a way with words. Manipulation is key.

Thats the danger in starting a fire,
You'll never know how many bridges you'll burn.

But I did the right thing. There is no pride. There is only heart. None broken, either. It was tearing me down. Even if you were passionate, your inability to show it would have forever been crippling.

Yeah, we used to be in love, but now we're just in like,
And we broke all our promises, and baby that ain't right
Because you don't know what it's like to lose it all…
(Take it back, take it back, because you don't know!
Take it back, take it back, because you don’t know
what it's like to be on the receiving end of it all!)
No! No! You were not on the receiving end of it all!
You beg and plead, but no one here can save you -
Why would they try when they can't quite save themselves?

I will never falter, I'll stand my ground.
Youre a. . .

Tone it down

Or hand me a shovel.
You're something else.


too much.

Breakthrough.

If love needs a reason, then there is no reason for love.
Emotions and logic counteract.
If you didnt, then I wouldnt have faith. And isnt that what love is? Faith in something extrinsic?

We have lust on a chemical reaction or a physical attraction; but love is something higher than that, something innate in what we perceive to be our common consciousness. And its younger sibling 'like' is in the same vein.
There are millions of reasons why people are compatible or not, or why they could like each other or not, but if you try to apply reason to arguably the strongest of human emotions, everything falls short.

Although we all know and sympathize with the content and quality of affection, and some of us even believe it to exist without ourselves (as in an external force that continues beyond our cerebral cortex), whether or not that is true is irrelevant.
There is no need for why or reason.

/end.rant.

Oh great

Another panic attack.

Wonderful.

Wheres my day off?

Its only Tuesday?
Busy.
Busy.
Busy.
Busy.
Non-stop.

Theres no other explanation for how its been.
School, work, chores.

Down-time.
I need it, badly.
I miss my friends, I miss my girlfriend.
I want to do something fun, meaningless and stupid.
Like Skate. Or steal signs. Or Do something nuts Vagina Mafia style.

Stressed is a much more mediocre term for how I feel right now. Rushed? Not even.
Lets try. . . insane.

Thursday is my only window of opportunity this week.

Carpe Diem.

I sat

and watched the birds.
I watched them traverse effortlessly across the vast lot.
I sat and watched the hanging fog slowly dissipate and the morning sky fight a fruitless battle to turn from gray to blue.
And I thought to myself:
I wonder what it would be like if we could just. . . fly everywhere.
You know, never in my life have I had the "I can fly" dream. Whether it be lucid or normal, I've never gotten the pleasure of soaring above.

Hmm.

It's like people watching, but so much easier. Birds dont care if you stare. Birds dont judge me. The might shit on my car and favor me for the crumbs I have to share, but thats their nature.

"
Karen Pommeroy: This could be the death of an entire way of life, the end of an era...
Donnie: Why should we care?
Karen Pommeroy: Because the rabbits are us, Donnie.
Donnie: Why should I mourn for a rabbit like he was human?
Karen Pommeroy: Are you saying that the death of one species is less tragic than another?
Donnie: Of course. The rabbit's not like us. It has no... keen look at something in the mirror, it has no history books, no photographs, no knowledge of sorrow or regret... I mean, I'm sorry, Miss Pommeroy, don't get me wrong; y'know, I like rabbits and all. They're cute and they're horny. And if you're cute and you're horny, then you're probably happy, in that you don't know who you are and why you're even alive. And you just wanna' have sex, as many times as possible, before you die... I mean, I just don't see the point in crying over a dead rabbit! Y'know, who... who never even feared death to begin with. "

Nature. What a broad term.
Lets apply it to humans.
Human Nature. It's a broad subject, but we can do well to apply it tot he whole people watching aspect.

Theres been a quote that I've been tossing around in my head for a couple days:

"Life is a tragedy for those who feel, and a comedy for those who think."

Can you tell who feels, versus who thinks? it's a spectrum, although, it's one of many. It's a valid subject, but there are so many more sides to the puzzle here. And I know this, which is why this is a slowly developing thing. I'm not going to jump feet first into observation of human nature. But it's my thing. I'm a PEOPLE person. It's in my blood to interact with people.

[And this quote has no reason to cause worry. There is a story behind this, as well as everything else I have come to be. No jumping to conclusions or fret over it. No i'm not a robot, or a machine, or heartless. I know where I stand, just ask me about it.]

Maybe I am in the wrong field. Education might be a good way to touch kids,

ha. . .

But in reality what if theres a social science job that maybe could suit me more, or a public relations job. I dont know. With a degree and a well written resume in my hand, I can do more then I think I give myself credit for, I just need to finish up school.

In conclusion, I dont know how I want to finish this post. So I'll just leave it awkward and hanging.

The truth is, my life is great and I like where it's headed.

BADASSERDENNFUCK.

So Leeron calls, like she usually does, in the middle of the night, to tell me a story:

"So I was at the tattoo shop, and us and a few of the artists were standing around and talking about people who get stupid tattoos. And one of the artists was acting like a customer, coming in, saying:

[Must be read with a thick country accent]
I WANNA GET A TATTOO. . .
ALRIGHT, START OFF, I WANT A BIG GLORIOUS EAGLE, BIG AS SHIT.
AND BEHIND THAT, WAVING, THE AMERICAN FLAG.
AND UNDER THAT, WERE GONNA HAVE DALE EARNHARDT, because he's me hero. . .
RACING DOWN THE HIGHWAY. Ooh, dont forget a number 3 with a halo next to the flag, ANYWAY, HE'S GONNA BE HOLDING A SIX PACK.
AND IN TEH DISTANCE, THERES GOTTA BE THE TWIN TOWERS. NEVER FORGET. NEVER FORGET. THESE COLORS DONT RUN.
AND I'M THINKING A SNAKE, MAKING A MAKESHIFT STAGE FOR A ROCK STAR WEARING A BANDANA, AND HES GONNA BE SHREDDING IT UP, ON MY ARM.
AND ALL THIS, WE'RE JUST GONNA FLAME IT ALL OUT.
FLAME IT ALL OUT! ALL THE EMPTY SPACE. aLL THE REST OF MY ARM, JUST REAL AWESOME FLAMES.
AND IT'S GONNA BE BADASSERDENNFUCK."

That says it all. Fin.

I'm sitting here staring

At a stack of old negative sleeves I dug up from my photo class. Some of the neatest photos I think I've taken so far.

I'm missing one.

The "Woman will triumph" shoot.
I'd tear my room apart for that one.

The point is, Josh helped me take all these photos.
Josh. Joshua Paul Anderson.
Besides Arianne, possibly the only person that still remains in the area that I can truly call my BEST FRIEND.
You know what I'm talking about, reader. The Best kind of friend. The one that you can trust with all your secrets, the one you would take a bullet for. [And I know that there are a lot of people that you can consider doing this for, but if you sit down and evaluate that statement, you'll know what I truly mean.] The person that you could stay up all night telling stories with, fake stories, memories. Shit, just stay up all night. I could go on, but, this'll make more sense in a minute.
I could tell you all about my other few best friends, but that'll come at a later date.
This was inspired because I actually got to hang out with Josh tonight.
Thats a rare occurrence nowadays.
I mean, it's a drastic change. I used to spend every day with Josh. Every day. Thanks to the fact that we had 2 semesters together at USF, it made things so easy. Hell, I used to skip AM classes just to go sleep in his driveway until he woke up [if I didnt let myself in to fall asleep]. Skating. Taking photos. Going to Busch Gardens. Maybe class. I really miss those days. Thats a tip of the iceberg. If this blog was my best friend, I'd sit here and tell the stories and times we shared.

We both made our mistakes, but it's nothing that should have pulled us apart. It not even anything against each other. Just unfortunate circumstances.
So here's a vow. With one of the 2 remaining best friends I have left, I'm going to work on getting back to that point.

Josh, first of all, I owe you a bro's night out.

And as for you, the other half of this remaining equation, you are
Everything.

Smile huge. If you smile at one person every day, you can make their day.
Theres always optimism in the things I see.
In you, I see an almost unexplainable explosion of amorosity.
Try saying that 3 times fast.

It's nights like these

Where I know that nothing can bring me down.

You might understand, you might not, but I just CANT STOP SMILING.

CANNOT.

All the way home, I was beaming.

I'm a little sick from the hookah, but I'm already feeling better off of the cold.
I need a good nights rest.

My classes are amazing.
I have 3 great teachers, and one boring one, but the class makes up for it.
I'll be sleeping in that one.
Great Performances on Film. [fucking awesome]
Cultural Anthropology. [sweeeeet]
Child Psychology [snore]
World Perspective [fucking saved]

I'm going to go wind down now.


Just so you know, I never have a bad dream, when youre in it.

It's such a beautiful day outside.

I think Bruce and I need to go for a good drive.

I'm going rock climbing later today, thats something I haven't done in a long while.
I used to love it, too.

Hey, you. It took a lot of guts to do what you did last night, and for that, I have so many thanks for you. I respect you and the fact that you fought the urge to not tell things directly to my face.
I feel so much better now. I'm so glad we talked about what we did.
I'll definitely be seeing you later. :]

Also, I'm hungry.
And have a lot of chores to do.
BAHHH.


Some days all I do is watch the sky.

I really don't know what to say

about this evening.

I loved the people I went with, I'm so glad you got me that ticket.
I was going to be really sad if Spencer didn't get a ticket.
I really didn't want you to get sad or worry if he wasn't going to be able to get in.
I mean, as soon as we found out at Taco Bell, we were thinking up so many ways to solve the problem, cheer you up, do whatever it took.

You know I hate seeing you sad.

The show itself, was great.
Every band, especially A Day To Remember, were absolutely fantastic.
The people, on the other hand, not so much.
Ocala kids really dont care about other people.
At least we're all friends here on this side of town at shows.

What I'm really sorry about, is that everybody, especially you, got hurt.
I feel so bad about it.
I have been all evening.
Its a mixture of missing you, amorous thoughts, and this weird sinking feeling that I could have fixed things.
If I had only been there to stop it.
If I had only caught it happening.
If I had only been standing in a different spot, I would have gotten hurt, not you.
/sigh, please be okay.
Please smile.

I get done with classes tomorrow at 4:45.
I'll definitely see you afterwards. :]


<3

Oh man.

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This night.

Just keeps getting better and better.
Sorry I'm rambling people, but it really does.

I was sitting here at the computer, and then realized that I had a bunch of CD's all around my room, that I could throw into a case and put into my car. SO I started looking. I found a few in the cases i had around my bookcase, and then had an epiphany.

"Holy shit I have a whole body sized tupperware container stuffed with CD's in it under my bed."
And I looked.
And I pulled out my bass case.
And I pulled out my giant body sized tupperware container stuffed with CD's.

Ever find something like a time capsule that you made for yourself without even realizing it?
Just something that you stuff somewhere thinking you wont need to find it again?

THAT, was a trip into nostalgia. I was so happy. I found a giant stack of CD's, still that need to be sorted, some blank CDs, and the actual time capsule in question: My "Taylor's Box of Treasures" that I used to put all of my cool collection stuff into as a little kid. My eyes just lit up.
Like, this is so important to me that I really want to show this to you.
Ooh. Good night.

Oh jesus.

Can you tell that I'm bored?
I'm in a blogging type of mood.
[Actually, I'm in an amazing mood]

This weekend actually has me very excited.
Tomorrow, or rather, much later today; In fact, 24 hours from now, I'll be with Arianne.
Saturday is a long day of work, but busy or slow, it's always fun.
Sunday:

Yeah. Thats the face I made when I found out my girlfriend got us tickets to go see them.

A Day to Remember.


God damn.
Also, I find the most random shit on the Internet.
I'm proud.

Mmmm. Brains.

This isnt negative at all, just pondering.

I have no idea why my mom blew up on me tonight, people.
But she did, and it scared me.
I think she has some pent-up frustration that she wanted to vent and distribute to me.

But the bottom line is that she just suddenly clicked.
Like a switch flicked on in her head and she exploded into a fiery fit of rage that dwarves The Hulk.
Cursing, telling me I dont respect her, telling me I didnt complete my tasks, and am so minimal in the household.

And then when I got home, she was fine.
Just, said hi, told me what I needed to accomplish tomorrow, and went to sleep.


Da Fuuuuuuuck?

On the bright side, I am bringing lunch to my darling tomorrow.
She has no idea what she's getting, either.
But oh will she like it.

It's nights like these

When I know.
I just know.
Thank you.
I don't know where to start, beginning, middle, or end.

But

Thank you.

Truth is, I've got all the patience, you're still here. I'm way past satisfied with everything.
I'm thrilled, amorous, and optimistic.

Go ahead, ask me "What for?" I'll give you a huge list of reasons to thank you.

-

I had a lot of fun tonight. I had a great time. Juno was an excellent movie.
I was excited to see you all day, I had butterflies when I was with you, and I missed you before you even walked away from my car.

-


You are like a sunset to me.

Communication.

What can I say?
What can I do?

Theres so much to get out of you, that it's tough to know where to find it, exactly.
It's tough when you're as reserved as you are, because even speaking in things only you know make sense to you, can get me thinking way too hard.
And I worry.
You know I worry about you. I worry because I care so much. I care about you.

I care.

How many times can I say it? I mean it.

And you cant just be quiet because you think people don't care what you have to say. I know that could be a major chunk of your past, but as already stated: I care.

I don't just care, I listen. I love having conversations with you, because we both always have something to say.
I can see it in your eyes. I know. Youve always got something to say.
Why is it so hard for you to say it? I want to hear it.

When you cant find words, when you get in quiet spells, these random mood swings, I cant hope but that maybe you'll break your protocol and beat your programmed self to let it out.

A wise person told me today that the things that really make a relationship, and keep it are longevity, commitment, connection, and communication.

Communication is key.

So please, strike up conversation with me.
Tell me how you really feel.
Tell me it's true.
Tell me you want to jump, fall, be caught.

Because I'm ready to tell you all my secrets.